2002-09-14
This was written at Kristi's apartment in Seattle on Monday, August 13th after WWE's weekly live broadcast of Raw. It was published on 1Wrestling.com as a portion of their round-the-clock coverage of all things pro wrestling.

From what I've read, it seems as though the off-air special endings for the live crowds have been stale lately, but the group headlining this week's Raw kept us laughing for a half-hour after the broadcast went off the air.

First, Taker calls Booker back into the ring to "get something straight". He tells Booker that he should give the people what they paid their money to see. The crowd pops as Booker hits the Spinnaroonie. Then Booker insists what the people really came to see was the Undertaker do his own spinneroonie. The arena pops huge.

Cameras are actually still rolling, and on the titantron, all trace of the Dead Man disappears as Taker breaks into a nervous grin. The crowd is still popping for him, even though he respectfully declines, sighting "gimmick infringment". He says is just wouldn't be right for Booker's signature move to be butchered by him. By this time, it's more Mark Colloway talking than Taker.

Then Rock's music hits, and out he comes in utter disbelief that Taker is about to hit a Spinaroonie; he just had to see it for himself. Taker leans back against the turnbuckles, and realizes the ribbing is fully on.

Rock rattles through his usual manic stream of witticisms, taunting Taker and keeping the crowd cracking up until...

Down the ramp comes HHH. He says he's tired of wating. He'd been watching backstage on the moniter, along with half the roster, waiting to see if Taker is actually going to do the Spinneroonie. For twelve damn years, HHH says, Dead Man has had a lotta balls to do some of the things he's done. HHH wonders if tonight is the night Taker has no balls. They all have him cornered in front of the crowd and Taker is trying to laugh it off.

HHH and Rock then start bantering. Hell, HHH would do one if Taker would do one. Big pop. Rock would do one if it meant HHH would do one if Taker would do one. Bigger pop. HHH clarifies: "You'll do a Rockaroonie if I do a Triple-loonie if he'll do a Taker-roonie?" Crowd goes nuts. By now, Taker is looking for an emergency exit when the Un-Americans head for the ring. The babyfaces bristle for a fight but HHH stops them on the ramp, tells them they aren't needed here, this is serious business and "you kids can just go skate in the back." They remain on the ramp waiting - like all of us - for a Taker-roonie.

HHH and Rock stir up the crowd. Taker grabs the camera guy on the apron and, with his face in blurred closeup on the titontron, he talks into the guy's headset to someone in the back. And then, as if the pressure weren't enough...

Holy crieminy! Vince MacMahon is on his way to the ring. (You know, when Vince is in full strut, he kinda looks like an ostrich.) Vince gives Taker a hard time, who, by now appears as red in the face as the hair on his head. Vince says if the people get to see a Taker-roonie, then even he will do a Vince-aroonie. HHH breaks in asking if that's anything like a Mac-aroonie. Yuk-yuk-yuk.

Vince says he can do this thing and tells Booker to just show him one time. Booker goes through the moves in slow-motion so Vince can get a step-by-step lesson. Then Vince himself gets down on one knee, nods to his hand, and proceeds to flop around the middle of the ring like a boneless chicken (some might say like a scalded dog), somehow finishing back on one knee. HHH congradulated him, declaring Vince the whitest man on the planet. Vince leaves; point made.

Then came Rock's turn. HHH taunts him: Finally! The Rock has no balls!! It was sadly apparent that, back in the day, young Rocky had never studied or practiced Break Dancing. But we gave him a cheer for effort.

HHH's turn, but he's too cool. Rock wonders if HHH has the balls to make a fool of himself in front of the people. HHH goes down on one knee, then bolts for the ropes, only to be blocked by Taker. Again, HHH gets down on one knee, and the Un-Americans rush the ring. An 8-man brawl ensues and out of the middle of the confusion, HHH is lifted by his throat and gets a choke slam. Taker gets on his bike and chases Christian up the ramp. A thunderous round of booos; alas, there was no Taker-roonie for the people.

After HHH recovers, Rock is still taunting him for a "Triple-loonie". HHH whines, This isn't funny anymore. Punches are exchanged; a Rock Bottom is dealt in the middle of the ring; and a People's Elbow is laid down for good measure. As Rock, Booker and Golddust make their way to the top of the ramp, HHH grabs a mic. "Y'know something, Rock. I hate you."

Great way to send 'em home happy.

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